


All I have are the photographs of you

by Lilbug



Series: Arkadia's Underground [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Lexa gets kidnapped, This fic is fucked up, a lot of hurt/comfort, but it gets better, clarke is so worried, i love them, im fucked up im sorry, im so sorry bb, kidnappings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18271832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilbug/pseuds/Lilbug
Summary: It's been what now, five months? Five months.Five months since Lexa went missing.Clarke knows it's bullshit - her fiance did not just "go missing". She's gone. She's fucking gone. She's been kidnapped, she didn't just up and leave. There's no way. No way.She's determined to make sure everyone knows that, but more importantly? She's going to find Lexa, no matter the costs.





	1. Ch. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and her friends get a call from someone who knows where Lexa is --
> 
> but it makes things...worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELL yea new series babey! clexa time!

Clarke stares down at file after file, the only light provided being her tiny desk lamp. Her eyes hurt from squinting at the small lettering. Anya sits close beside her, fidgeting numbly with her thumbs. She's technically the only reason Clarke's even allowed to  _look_ at these. 

**Lexa Woods.**

**Female.**

**Aged 24.**

**Missing person's case.**

**Gone since 11.14.18**

Clarke's eyes scan over the file that she's read over for the past five months. A pang of agony rips through her heart as she stares down at the goddamn file. There's no way. No way. She still has to read up on the case, just to make sure it's real. "Anya, where's the-"

"Here," the woman places Clarke's pen case on the table, right by her side. There's three pill bottles in there, but only one of them actually has pills. The other two are filled with tiny sticky notes, ones that Clarke keeps on hand nearly constantly. "Clarke," Anya starts, softly. "Maybe you should re-"

"No," Clarke hisses, shaking out one bottle of sticky notes. They scatter over the file case, and Clarke groans. "Why couldn't it be me? Lexa would know what to do." Anya gives a low chuckle, placing a hand on Clarke's back. A soft, subtle pressure to remind her that Anya is there. 

"She would go insane, Clarke. Lexa didn-" Anya stops herself as quickly as possible. Clarke hates it when she uses past tense. "She wouldn't be able to handle it. After her first love died, there's no way that she would be able to keep herself together. Now," she sighs. "Let's call your friends over. You need all the help you can get." Anya messages everyone on their group chat, and before she knows it, Raven and Luna are there. The next are Bellamy and Murphy, and then Octavia and Lincoln. Monty and Jasper are the last to show up, but only because they've brought blankets, food, and plenty of soda. When Murphy enters the door, Clarke collapses straight into his arms. They've always been extremely close, ever since they met (even if they had differences). Luna and Raven set up the blanket fort, put on their favourite YouTubers, and put the volume down to about thirteen. Bellamy pulls up all of the chairs, and soon enough, they're all peering over the files. 

"The Mountain Men are still at the top of our list, right?" Octavia asks, glancing at Anya, then Clarke. "I think you just let me and Ray over here kill them all." 

"O," Lincoln warns. "We still don't know if they took her. If they don't exist, then we'd be back at square one with less hope. It's better that we know for sure. It's been five months. We still have plenty of time to get to her," his voice creaks towards the last few words, which doesn't really inspire anyone. "We'll find our baby sister." Anya gives his hand a squeeze, and they share a look of pain. 

Monty paces back at forth, rubbing at his forehead. Jasper watches him from his chair, frowning. "Monts. You need to sit down. You'll ruin their floor," Jasper chooses his words carefully. He knows Clarke. He's known her for a very, very long time. Very rarely is she a loose cannon, but when it comes to Lexa...he has to pick his words as if they're the reason he's living. "Monty," he tries again when his boyfriend doesn't respond to him. "We need your help-" He pauses when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out, sees the "Unknown" at the top of the call, but the area code is the same. He holds up one hand, answering the phone as he stalks out of the room. "Hey-"

"Oh god, please tell me this is Jasper Jordan? Please, please, plea-"

"Hey, hey, hey, yeah. It's me. I'm Jasper. What's uhhh, what's the issue?" 

"Lexa Woods." His heart stops beating. Lexa Woods?  _Their_ Lexa Woods? Well no shit, Jasper. 

"...And what about her?" He puts the phone on speaker, walking back into the living room. Jasper places a finger to his lips, shaking his head softly. "Where is she?"

"Mount. Weather," the girl's voice breaks. "I- I'm Maya. Maya Vie. I didn't...I didn't know about her until I saw her going somewhere in here. I don't know what they're doing to her! I'm so sorry, I can't.."

"Maya, Maya," Jasper coos, watching Clarke's eyes widen as her entire body transforms into something ridgid. "It's okay. Where is she in Mount. Weather?" 

"The main part of it. The main area. I- we need to meet. In person. Please. Right now." 

Jasper takes a sharp inhale. "Meet me at Arkadia's park? I'll be there in less than a few minutes."

"I'm already there," Maya croaks. "Hurry." And then the line drops. Jasper meets Clarke's eyes with a grin.

"We got our girl." 

* * *

Clarke, although she's extremely wary about meeting "Maya", is so fucking ready. She's ready to see her fiance again, to see Lexa, to hold her, to kiss her, and to just,  _fuck_ ,  _touch_ her. Make sure she's  _there_. But she knows that she has to wait. That she has to force herself to stay still when she sees the woman Jasper identifies as Maya. The two talk in low, hushed whispers, but Clarke can pick up pieces of their conversation. "They're horrible,", "I'm sorry", "Lexa-", and each time she hears Lexa's name, she wants to save her love from this even more. Murphy's right by her side, one hand constantly resting on her shoulder. His boyfriend's there with him, too, and she can see the strain on Bell's face as he watches Jasper. Luna and Lincoln murmur softly in the back, and Clarke notices how Luna keeps glancing at Anya. She doesn't know why, other than they're all related. Lincoln, Anya, and Lexa Woods, and then Luna Rivers. She glances back at Maya, who's way too shaky and nervous to possibly be coherent. Clarke, as soon as Lexa went missing, became the best detective out of all of them. She learned how to tell if someone was lying, or how to read someone, or if their body language matched up with their words. She's, well, certain that Maya's at least being truthful. But it's clear that she's terrified of what kind of punishment she would get if someone found out this was what she was doing. She's snapped out of her thoughts when Murphy gives her a small nudge towards Jasper and Maya. 

"They want you, princess," he whispers, lowly. "I think they want Lexa's description. Should be easy." He blinks his dumb, big blue eyes at her, and Clarke's anxieties disappear for a second. Murphy has always been her best friend, even if it took them awhile to both realise it. Clarke finds herself numbly walking towards the two, and Jasper nods at Maya. 

"This is Clarke. Lexa's fiance." 

"N-nice to m-meet you, Clarke," Maya stumbles out, holding out her shaking hand. Clarke shakes it with no warmth. "I...I know where she is. She's in Mount. Weather. The main part of it, but underground. The chambers no one goes in. And- and she's...she's alive. Hurt, but alive." 

Clarke's eyes must flash something like fury or rage, because Maya backs up a bit. "How badly hurt?"

"I'm sorry, I- I don't know. They don't let us look."

"Who is they?" 

"Um, th- the President, an- and his son." 

"What's that supposed to mean to me?" Clarke narrows her eyes. "What are their names?"

"Th- they're the Wallaces. Cage Wallage and Dante Wallace. Dante is the President. B- but Cage is the one who's hurting your fiance. He- here you go," Maya shows her a picture of what Clarke assumes to be Cage from her phone. "Security is...it's really high. Y- you'd need someone to get in. Someone strong, a- and tough. N- not him, though." Maya glances at Lincoln. Clarke spins on her heels, and stares into Bellamy's eyes. 

"Bell." 

"I'll do it," he announces, talking long strides so he's right there with Clarke. "I'll go into the Mountain. You don't have to worry about it, Clarke. Promise." Bellamy rests a hand on her shoulder, and they both nod at each other. 

"Let's do it, then."

* * *

Clarke doesn't sleep for the next three days. In fact, no one does. Anya is constantly trying to find contacts to get Mount. Weather gear, considering how fucking popular they are. They're one of the biggest gangs in all of Arkadia. Hell, in all of  _Polis_! You would  _think_ that some fucker would have some of their guard uniforms. But apparently not. But Anya doesn't stop looking, and neither does Clarke. With Raven at her side, she roams the alleys, counting on Octavia and Luna to be their eyes. When Clarke and Raven get jumped by some dumbass Azgeda lowlifes, they're surprised to see Roan and Echo. The leader of the Azgeda clan simply shoots both of the thugs in the fucking chest. He apologises to the duo, and Echo does the same, albeit a little nervously. Raven just scoffs about it as they go, continuing the search for Mount. Weather information. Clarke remembers when she was brought in for questioning, how they asked her if Lexa was in a gang. She....she didn't know how to answer that yes, indeed, Lexa was the fucking  _Commander_.  _The! Commander!_ Who runs one of the biggest gangs  _ever_. 

When Maya finally gets back to them, that a guard "went missing", Clarke's fucking ecstatic. Bellamy fits perfectly into the suit, with the nametag reading "Loveheart", or something like that. Clarke doesn't give a shit. So long as she gets her fiance back, she's fine. And so long as she gets to fucking  _murder_ Cage and Dante Wallace. What she  _doesn't_ know, until he doesn't turn up for their meetings, is that Murphy went with his dumb boyfriend. With two of her closest friends inside of a massive gang, Clarke...Clarke is terrified. There's nothing worse than this, she decides on the fourth night. She has no clue how Bellamy, Murphy, and Lexa are doing. She doesn't know. She doesn't fucking know, and she hates it. 

So, she does something stupid. 

She finds a contact - Raven's old boyfriend, Finn. She calls him, gives him five hundred dollars, and he escorts her into Mount. Weather territory, uniform and all. When he turns to leave, he grins at her. "Take the cash, princess. Consider it a favour." And then he's gone. Clarke has never liked Finn, but she has to admit that he can be useful every now and then. Very rarely, but still. With a last, longing glance back at Arkadia's streets, Clarke disappears into "The Mountain". 

* * *

"You  _what_!?" Is the first thing she hears when Anya drags her out of the Mountain. Raven's right there with her, Luna hanging close by. "Clarke, we already have  _two_ -"

"She's  _my_ fiance!" She protests, bristling at the iron-clad grip Anya has on her arm. Raven takes a deep breath in, and then takes one step towards Clarke. "Ray, listen, pleas-"

"You fucking idiot," Raven scoffs. "Did you think that would work? You have Bellamy and Murphy in there, for the love of god, Clarke! You have  _me_! And Lincoln, who has a shit ton of connections to the underground transportation squads. And Octavia, and Luna, and  _Anya!_ If you get caught, how the hell do you think you're gonna rescue her, huh? There's no way. No fucking wa-" 

"Bad news bears," Jasper announces, hair sticking to his forehead as he appears behind them. "We have three people to rescue now." 

"Fuck's sake!" Raven throws her hands up in the air, twirling away from Clarke. Luna rests her hand on her shoulder, maintaining eye contact with the other. " _What_ is it, Jasper?" 

"Bellamy's fucked up. He found Echo in there. She was about to get killed, so he pulled a Clarke. Saved her. He's been caught, and now Echo has been, too. And then there's Lexa..." he trails off, sighing. "So we have Murphy. That's it." 

"Mother _fucker_ ," Clarke snarls, staring down the deactivated security cameras on top of the Mountain's entrance. "We need someone else in there. Right fucking now." 

Monty appears next to Jasper, planting a hand on the taller's shoulder to steady himself. "Maya's there. She's doing all she can," he huffs. "But...Jasper and I can get in. Harper and Fox are already in on the plan, and I bet we could get Atom a nice wad for him to do it.." Monty swallows. "But I- Jasper and I can do it. Maya knows us, she can welcome us to the circle. We could do it." 

"They know you're Skaikru," Anya huffs. "There's no way you'd be able to get in without being spotted. We just have to trust in Murphy. I've seen him do things like this. He can do it. Trust me."

"I trust Murphy," Clarke starts, slowly. "But I need to get into that damn mountain."

"Absolutely fucking not," Raven glares at the blonde. "We  _need_ you, Clarke. You're the only one who knows Lexa's file like a goddamn preacher's bible. You need to sit your ass down and stay  _here_. Reread the files, reread any Mount. Weather files you've found. Reread fucking  _everything_ , we need you to do that. I'll get into their security frame, and then we won't have anymore problems. Octavia and Lincoln are already talking with the um, Reapers. Luna and I can take care of this. And that girl Murphy doesn't really like, Emori? She's learning how to hack, and from what I've heard, she's pretty fucking good. Not as good as me, but..." Raven shrugs. "We need you here. Go back home. Anya," she nods at the eldest. "Take Clarke home. We'll work tomorrow." 

Clarke protests as best she can, but it proves useless when Lincoln appears, helping his older sister with the stubborn blonde. 

* * *

 

Clarke doesn't sleep that well without Lexa.

Correction, she doesn't sleep at all without Lexa.

She stares at her ceiling, finding the moon and sea staring back at her. She forgot she drew that. Lexa always liked finding Clarke's drawings wherever. 

Fuck, she misses her.

So, so much. 

There's the voice in her head that tells her to just fucking go to Mount. Weather. 

(But what if she's not there?)

And then there's the other one, that tells her to stay put.

(What if she's too late, then?)

She worries about Bellamy and Echo.

(Murphy has to make it..)

And when she closes her eyes, she feels tears falling from them. 

 _Soon_. She thinks.  _Just a little longer._

 


	2. Ch. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's perspective - and how far this shit goes.

She spits out blood. 

It's not the first time she's done it that day. 

With narrowed eyes, she stares directly into the man's. The one who's done this to her. With as much deviance as she can muster, she raises her head up..

And smiles. 

That's all it takes for him to slap her across the face, watching as she spits out another glob of blood. "Are you done yet?" Lexa raises her head again, meeting his eyes  _again_. 

"Shof op." His face falls, and he strikes her again. She sees the knifes on the counter - they're always there. Until they're in her flesh, but normally, they're on the counter. So are the needles. So is fucking everything. Lexa continues staring deep into his soulless, lifeless, murderous eyes. Cage doesn't seem bothered. He turns his back, and she forces herself to keep her hands from pulling on their bonds. When he turns around with that disgusting gleam in his eyes, she knows something's about to happen. He twirls his favourite knife in the air. The serrated one, with the leather handle. She's memorized it well. Of course she has. Those are the only things on her mind. The pain, the way she'll kill this bitch when she's free, and Clarke. Fuck, if Clarke isn't constantly at the forefront of her mind. Even if she's been here for what, three months now? She knows Clarke's on her way. She  _knows_ she is. There's no doubt in her mind. 

"Listen,  _'Heda'_ ," Cage spits the word out, laces it with sarcasm and hatred. "I'm going to ask you again. Will you  _simply_ cooperate with me? With  _us_? You know, it's been three months, oh 'Commander'. Do you  _really_ think she's coming back for you? If you give me the goddamn answers to my questions, you could leave. You know that, right?" Lexa aims for his face this time. The blood lands in his eyes. "Fucking bitch." Cage hisses, and slashes the knife down under her right eye. Lexa doesn't cry out in pain - her time as the Commander has taught her better. She knows how to completely feel void of all feelings, good or bad. She stares into those pitch black eyes, watches at the red drips into them. There's another cut, this time across her nose. It's opened up an old cut. Lexa stopped counting how many cuts she has on her face. They mostly pay attention to her arms, legs, or chest. Sometimes around her throat. Most of the time, it's Cage, but he's unpredictable. They send Tsing in to deal with her mostly. 

The next twenty cuts are along both of her forearms, and she doesn't scream at any one of those. She just keeps eye contact with the man who will be President. When Tsing eventually enters the room to see Cage, furious and screaming, and Lexa, cool and calm, she slaps him across the face. "You cannot just go  _wild_ on her," she snarls, grabbing the man by his throat. "You know damn well what her girlfriend will do to see her pretty face, un _marked_. Leave. I have to attend to the other three." 

"Other three?" Cage chokes out, rubbing his throat when Tsing's grip is loosened. "Was there a breach?"

"There was," she scoffs. "Three of her friends," Tsing nods at Lexa. She tries to remain calm. They've done things like this before, but Cage is  _not_ a good actor. And the genuine surprise on his face...Lexa forces herself to steady her breathing. "Not Clarke, sadly," her heartbeat slows slightly. "Bellamy Blake. Echo Winstein, and Maya Vie. I suppose the latter two are not exactly her friends, per say, but they were working with Blake. We believe he killed Lovejoy. I'll make his torture extra painful - the man had a son. Cage, leave. Leave Woods to her own. She's restrained. We need to deal with the traitor, firstly."

Cage huffs, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead. "Ah, Ms. Vie. I always thought she was always too sympathetic for the prisoners. Oh well," his frown slowly forms into a smirk. "I'll see to my men having their way with her." Lexa feels herself shaking. She tugs violently at her bonds, snapping her head back and forth at what Cage just said. 

"You're an evil bastard, you motherfucker!" She screams. "You won't live to do that! You bitch! Clarke will fucking kill you! You won't-" When Tsing's mouth opens, probably to say something witty, it doesn't finish. She drops, and Cage spins around on his heels. Lexa's eyes widen when she sees the knife embedded in Tsing's head. 

"Such use of profanity," the man behind Tsing's body sighs. "And you," he points at Cage, pulling off his hood. "Aren't gonna live to do that, like Lex said over there." Lexa can't count the bullets after the thirtieth shot. 

"As I was saying," Tsing scoffs. Lexa's entire body trembles. What? What happened? She...she was dead. And so was Cage! She notices a knife in her hand, and the slick liquid dripping off of the blade. Was she...dreaming? "I want Blake into the Cerberus program. He might not be fit enough to complete it, but I still want to see his progress. It would be an interesting experiment, don't you agree?" And with that, Cage and Tsing walk out of the door. Lexa slams her hands down on the chair arms, and closes her eyes. 

1..2..3....4..5..6...7..8....

Counting doesn't help. 

She opens her eyes, forces herself to sit up, and glares at the knife in her hand. Okay. Fuck that. She angles her head down, feeling the neck restraint kick in. Too bad. She snaps her head down, grabs the knife handle, and adjusts it to the center of her mouth. Lexa breathes in. "If I die from doing this, Clarke, I love you," she mumbles, and plunges the knife down towards the neck restraint. She can feel a slight amount of pain, but when she opens her eyes again, the black cloth is gone. She focuses on her hands, next. With a precise slice through her dominate hand, Lexa can move one hand. She takes the knife from her mouth, and slits the arm restraint on the same arm. With full control of one limb, Lexa cuts through the rest of her bonds with complete and utter ease. It doesn't feel weird to walk, even if she's been siting for the past few hours. "Guess what, Clarke?" She swallows when she looks at the door. "I'm coming home."

Lexa spots the body armour Cage sometimes wears, if she had been too aggressive one day. She shrugs it onto her weak arms, and grabs a pistol from a nearby gun cabinet. There's a mirror in the same room as her, and Lexa finds herself staring into it. Her once long, wavy brown hair is...matted and crusted with blood. Her eyes are bloodshot, and have little spark in them. Her body skinny and frail, and she swears she can see her ribs. Blood drips from the corner of her mouth, her cheek, close to her eye, and the gash above her nose. She cracks her knuckles, and scans the area for any swords. There's one by the door. Lexa smirks when she realises that it's her own. When she walks over to it, she hears the door creak.  _Shit_. She grabs the sword as quickly as possible, and shoves it towards the intruder's throat. She doesn't exactly slit it yet, out of the fear that it could be Clarke. She meets the person's eyes, and with how afraid they look, she wouldn't be surprised if they didn't know much about the prison zone. 

"Wa- wait! Please, don't. I- I'm Maya. Maya Vie. I- I'm here with Bellamy, and um, Murphy. And Echo." Lexa pulls the sword back almost instantly, but keeps it closely pointed at the woman. There's a brief pause, and Lexa glances behind her. There's no one. 

"What's her last name?" She asks, softly. A heartbeat passes. 

"It's..it's Griffin. Her last name is Griffin." 

That's all she needs to hear. A grin appears on her tired, narrow face, and Lexa fully retracts the sword. "So they weren't captured?"

"We were," Maya mumbles, quietly. "But Murphy found us. He um, he didn't leave his boyfriend very far behind," Lexa smirks. So they're still dating. The smirk fades. She goes to open her mouth, but Maya starts before her. "Um, Clarke isn't here. Raven wouldn't let her. Said she'd be too um, reckless." Lexa lets out a breathless laugh. 

"Mm," she agrees. "Where are the others?" 

"Close," Maya glances back behind her. "But we need to go. Really fast. Cage and Dr. Tsing'll be here soon, and I- I don't wanna lose you. Clarke'd kill me." 

"Ah," Lexa nods, and throws off the body armour, piece by piece. "It'd be too obvious," she shrugs when Maya quirks an eyebrow. "Yumi beda gonot raun," at the look of confusion on her face, Lexa rolls her eyes. "We should go. Now." 

"Oh." The woman nods, rapidly, and starts a brisk walk down the hallway. Lexa blinks at the brightness of the light. She hadn't realised just how long she had been in the dark. When they reach the room where Maya says the others are, Lexa has to pause. Three months. Three months, and she's finally here. Finally ready to go. She pushes open the door, and finds a gun in her face. 

"Hakom, Belomi? Hod up, hm?" 

"Lexa!" The gun drops, and she feels tight arms squeezing her sides. She's pretty sure a few ribs have been cracked, but she still hugs the man-child back. "I- fuck, I thought we lost you," when she pulls back, she can see tears forming in his soft eyes. "I'm so sorry." 

"Don't be," she smiles. "Apologies can come later. Right now, I want to go kiss my fiance." Murphy grins at that, and places a hand on her shoulder. 

"You'll fucking get to do that," he nods to Bellamy. "We're ready."

Lexa takes a deep breath in, scanning the areas around her.

"Maun-de can go suck my mami." She scoffs, and hears Echo choke on her own spit from behind the pair of boyfriends.

Yeah.

She's ready. 


	3. ch 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ow

Lexa finds herself being ushered into the room. "Alright. It's been five months," Bellamy starts. Her heart pounds in her chest. What? She thought that it had only been three months. She's been without Clarke for _five_ months? She glances at the door, then back to Bellamy. He raises an eyebrow, carefully placing a hand on her shoulder. "Lexa? What's the matter? I mean, um, you look..less like you did at first. Are you okay?"

"..I thought it had been, um, only three months. I just..kinda freaked out. I guess. Clarke's eyes are still blue, right?" She jokes, weakly. The look that Bellamy gives her is clear that the joke fell flat. "Alright, alright. We're good. Let's plan. Right?" She swallows, glancing back at the closed door. Clarke is still her fiance. Murphy and Bellamy still ate dating. She's going to get out of Mount. Weather. It'll be fine. She probably just stopped keeping track of time when they would keep her unconscious for days at a time. It's fine. She's fine. It's not a big deal. Lexa takes a sharp breath of air, rubbing her thumbs over her knuckles. 

"Yeah...right," Bellamy nods, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. "We're good. The plan is for Maya to make a distraction. Raven's fully aware of most things.." he sighs, trailing off.

"..Until they got caught," Murphy jerks his thumb towards Maya and Bellamy. "But we got an additional member. Echo. You know the most of this place," he turns to face the Azgeda assassin. Lexa is fully aware that they should be enemies, but Roan and her are close. Closer than a few gang leaders should be, but they trust each other. She wouldn't let Aden go to one of their schools, or leaders, but she still trusts the man. He supported her fully when she killed his mother. In the back of her mind, she murmurs a "I'm sorry, Costia". Murphy nods towards Lexa. "We don't have eyes above us, is the thing. We have to do it ourselves. They know we're here, is the thing. And Cage is gonna be looking for  _you_ ," he smirks. "But uhh, we're pretty good at what we do. And, not to mention, Raven's pretty damn good at what  _she_ does. Even if she doesn't like it, she has Wick," he grins. "And Monty. Those three'll be able to get us out of here. Anyways," he claps a hand onto his boyfriend's back. "Let's get going. We don't want to be here any longer than we have to." 

Lexa nods, but she still doesn't want to do it. She doesn't want to try and leave, only to be fucked over. She knows how horribly this goddamn plan could go - and she doesn't want to do it. She wants to go back to Clarke, yes, but this plan...it could be totally destroyed. Lexa stares ahead, watching as they go, one by one, out of the door.

Then she hears the shouting. 

She slams open the door fully, sees her group completely surrounded by guards. Goddammit. Goddammit.  _Fuck_. She cracks her knuckles, and pushes herself to be side by side with Murphy 

"There's the target," a guard, decked in fucking  _S.W.A.T_ gear states. "Make sure to get her. At all costs." And then there's even more shouting. Murphy slams a fist into a guard's nose, probably breaking it. Bellamy kicks another guard, sending him across the room. Maya's still in the previous room, cowering close to one of the walls. Lexa grabs Echo's wrist, shoving her slightly towards the woman. 

"Echo! Make sure she's safe!" Lexa shouts. Echo nods, and disappears through the door. She barely turns her head when Echo grins, and throws a knife towards her. Lexa's hand shoots out, grabs the knife, and she grins back. She turns to face the swarm of guards, and twirls the knife in her hand. Her sword is still in the room, she knows that much. She wants to go and get it - she's always been better with swords. Lexa throws the knife straight into a guard's throat, and spins around to face Echo. "Sword?" She mouths, slamming a fist back into another guard's throat. Echo nods, puts her own guard on the ground, and tosses the sword to her. Lexa smirks when half of the assault team backs off right then and there. "Murphy!" She tosses the knife to the man, who grins at her. He stabs a guard in the eye, pulls back, and flings the knife straight at a guard approaching behind Lexa. It's times like these where she remembers how grateful she is for his aim. Lexa swings to sword down on a fallen guard's arm. Fucker was radioing in for help. Pfft. Like he'd even get to live to see that help arrive. 

Lexa slashes hard and fast with her sword. Twirling around and around, stabbing and cutting at everything she sees. She's a goddamn whirlwind of disaster and sharp movements. Bellamy's tackled about his fifteenth guard when something clicks in Lexa's head. "The radio!" She shouts, kicking a guard in the dick as she moves towards him. With a quick stab in the stomach he's dead and on the ground. She grabs the mini radio out of his hands. "Bell, can't Raven find us if we-" He nods sharply, and she tosses him the device. He catches it without even looking at it. A few seconds go by. Then. 

_"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO BELLAMY BLAKE I SWEAR TO GOD IF LEXA IS STILL IN THEIR HANDS - WHY ARE PEOPLE SCREAMING WHAT DID YOU DO WHY DID YOU CUT ME OFF COMPLETELY HOW THE HELL DID YOU FUCK UP THAT BAD WHAT THE FUCK---"_

Lexa bursts out laughing, which isn't very good for her. Three guards appear at that exact time, and she barely composes herself enough to end them. "I'm right here, Raven. Good to know you care."

 _"Lexa!"_ Raven shouts from the other end.  _"Thank god! Where are you? What's happening?"_

Murphy groans, rolling his eyes. "Reyes. Great. Anyways, we're in Mount. Weather. Let's just say we got jumped. We need help here, Reyes. Maya and Echo," he glances towards the two. They're both fine. "Are good. Bell, me, and Lex are grand. But uhh, they're not giving up. Kinda need some help up in this hell."

_"MOTHERFUCKER."_

"Yeah," Echo snickers softly from behind everyone. "Same." 

_"How the hell did Bellamy do this? How can he--"_

"Right here, Raven," he laughs. "And this wasn't my fault. It just..happened," Bellamy sighs, cracking his knuckles after about the fifth guard he had been fighting falls. "So we kinda need help." 

"Wait," Lexa glances towards the hallway left of them. "There's a waterfall over around here. Leads directly out to the real world. It's a fucking  _massive_ fall, right, but Clarke and Anya have done it," she doesn't even have to yell anymore. "We should get there." 

_"Good idea, Woods! Also, I'm gonna get Clarke and Anya. And Lu. And literally everyone else. Be right back_ _."_

"Wait!" Bellamy hisses. "We need the cameras turned off...?"

 _"I'm not an idiot, Bell. I've already done that. Also, the doors are all locked. Minus the one you guys want to get to. Also, the guards are away from the waterfall. You're welcome. Oh, and...one, two....three,"_ a siren blares off in the distance.  _"Distraction."_ Lexa grins. Goddamn, she loves Raven Reyes. 

She sighs in relief, and everyone else does the same. "Thank you, Raven," Murphy mock salutes. "Now, go and get the others! We're on our way, promise!" Raven mutters something along the lines of "whatever", and then they run. "So, Lex, how far is this waterfall?" 

"About five hundred feet down," she winks. Murphy scowls. "A couple of doors down. Trust me, I'd know." 

"Goddamn, did they threaten to-?"

"Once or twice!" She shouts behind her, not even looking back. The doors open automatically, and she's  _extremely_ thankful that Raven exists. "Should just be one more door.." the next door opens, and there it is. Waterfall. Lexa skids to a halt, grabbing at the railing before she fucking falls. "We're here." 

"Goddamn," Echo frowns. "Is this...survivable?" 

 _"Clarke and Anya did it,"_ Raven randomly appears.  _"Also..."_ there's a brief pause. 

_"...Lexa?"_

Her heart fucking  _explodes_. 

"Clarke!" She grabs the radio from Bellamy's hands, holding it as if it's the most precious thing in the world. "Oh my god. I never thought I'd get to hear your voice again. Clarke. Clarke, Clarke, you're...you sound so tired, baby. Have you been sleeping?"

 _"That's what you're worried about!?"_ Clarke hisses out from the other side.  _"Lexa, you're about to jump a fucking waterfall. I think you have more important things to worry about."_

"I love you, okay?" Lexa frowns. "And I'm worried about you, alright? I just...I'm so sorry. I know I did this. I know that you aren't sleeping because I've been gone. But I'm coming home to you, okay? I'll be there soon." 

_"I love you, too. And...you better come back. I can't take it anymore, Lex. Please."_

Lexa tries her best to hold of tears. "Hey, nah. I'm going first," Murphy butts in. "I'm fucking jumping off of this ledge, and I'm gonna go into the water first. You two need to catch up. Plus, I'll make sure I can live." Bellamy scowls at him.

"You fucking better live." 

"Oh, I will. Wanna know why? Because-"

 _"Cockroaches never die."_ Raven and Murphy say it at the exact same time. He grins at his boyfriend, pops a kiss to his nose, and then flings himself off of the fucking ledge they're on. No warning. He just...does. There's a splash of water, and Lexa stares deep into the blue, rippling liquid. 

"It is  _so_ fucking  _cold_!" She sighs in relief, and passes Bellamy the radio. 

"I'll see you soon, Clarke." 

She jumps. 

* * *

Murphy was, of course, right.

It had been cold.

It was also rocky. 

And very painful. 

 _Very_ , very painful. In fact, she blacked out the pain was so bad. When Lexa woke up, there was black. She screamed. Thrashed around. She couldn't be back in that goddamn mountain. No way. She had to be...dead. Or worse. No. No. No. She promised Clarke that she'd get back to her. That she would come back. She knows that she's not dead.  _Does she_? 

Hands find her throat. Two fingers. Checking for a pulse. A long silence. No one moves. She breathes. There's shouting. Lexa wants to see Clarke. Her eyes flutter open. Nothing. Blank white. 

Long pause. 

 _Very_ long pause.

She blacks out again.

* * *

When she wakes up, she hears voices. Quiet, at first, but they're getting louder. Lexa can't hear Clarke's. Nor Tsing, so she feels better about that. But there's still nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing. She's dead, isn't she? She can't be dead, logically, right? Logically. 

She can't be dead. 

Just like she isn't in the Mountain. 

Right. 

...

Right.

* * *

When she wakes up the third time, the voices are much more clear. 

_"Back injuries."_

_"Shouldn't have survived the fall."_

_"We'll get them arrested. Promise."_

_"She may never walk again."_

_"It's a shock she's still alive."_

_"I'm sorry ma'am, she isn't stable for visitors."_

_"I'm her fucking fiance."_

_"I'm sorry, ma'am, but-"_

_"I have spent five months looking for her. Let. Me. In. That. Fucking. Room."_

Lexa blearily opens her eyes. She can't feel her legs. At all. She hisses out in pain, because  _goddamn_ , does her back hurt. "Let her in." She whispers, weakly.

The last thing she sees is Clarke's face. 

And fucking hell, is she gorgeous as ever. 

 

 

 


	4. Ch. 4

Clarke doesn't even want to admit it to herself. 

There's a really, really good chance that Lexa isn't going to walk again. Her back hit a really sharp, really hard rock. More like a fucking boulder. And Clarke hates the fact that she can't accept that. She can't accept that Lexa is like this. Murphy made it out just fine! So did Bellamy, and Echo, and hell, even fucking  _Maya_. But not Lexa. Not  _her_ Lexa. She stares at the almost lifeless body in front of her. The nurse had a hell of a time trying to keep her out. It didn't work. 

Clarke doesn't care that she owes an almost five thousand dollar fine. For maybe punching the nurse in the face. Maybe it was multiple times. She doesn't care - she'd do it again. It's  _her_ fiance, and she isn't going to watch her from the window. She's gonna be  _right there_ when Lexa wakes up. Clarke hasn't stopped looking at her. Seeing the scars along her arms and face. She saw a lot more on her back, and on her legs. She wants to kill Cage even more now. And Tsing - she  _knows_ that bitch had a play in this. Monty, Jasper, Raven, and Luna all watch them from the outside. Lincoln and Anya are in with her - they also have to pay a few fines. Lincoln hasn't stopped blinking back tears, and Anya is openly discussing all the ways she plans on killing Cage and Tsing. Clarke's, admittedly, has put in a few suggestions. 

"That's my goddamn baby sister," Anya whispers. "That's my baby sister." 

"Our baby sister," Lincoln frowns. Clarke can hear the tremble in his voice. "Our baby sister." 

Clarke doesn't want to look at them. She isn't sure if she can. She hates looking at Lexa when she looks so vulnerable like this. The only other time she's seen her look  _this_ way..it was when they first had sex. Lexa hadn't done anything remotely sexual after Costia died - she couldn't bring herself to do it. She just..couldn't. She felt like she was betraying her, as if Costia would hate her from the grave. Clarke let her choose when she was ready. When Lexa felt she could give herself to Clarke, she was right there. And the way Lexa looked at her, nightgown halfway off of her shoulders, hair down, and a lack of that dumb "warpaint" she normally had. Trikru had an odd choice of fashion. Clarke had never felt more in love with that woman. And she hates that this is the way Lexa looks right now. She shouldn't look like this. Half-alive, eyes closed, caked blood on her arms and on her chin. She can see rope burns around her wrists and neck, and is half ready to kill Cage with his own  _dick_. Clarke sits still, however, holding Lexa's hand in her own two. She's so ready for her to wake up. She needs her to wake up. Needs to hear her voice, see her beautiful, brilliant green eyes. Clarke loves her eyes. 

"Ms. Griffin, Ms. Woods, Mr. Woods," Lexa's doctor, some man named "Nyko" appears in the doorway. "I'm afraid I have bad news. But, there is also good news," Clarke stares him down, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. "Lexa may never walk again. Her spine was damaged quite a bit when she fell. And for the good news.." he pauses, a small smirk on his face. "Cage Wallace has been arrested. He's being tried for manslaughter, homicide, kidnapping, attempted murder, and assault. He's facing the death penalty at the moment. They still haven't found Ms. Tsing, but.." he trails off. "I'm sure you could ask Mr. Green and Mr. Jordan. They should have a good idea of where she is," Nyko winks at the two. Clarke feels a surge of pride in her heart. They've finally did it. Cage is going to be killed, Tsing is dead. Lexa's been avenged. For the most part. "And, more good news. Ms. Woods may be able to walk. With enough therapy and support, she should be able to get her feeling back. But, it will be hard. I trust you all will help?" 

"Of course we will," Anya nods. "Thank you, Nyko." 

Lincoln stands, and Nyko holds open his arms. The two men hug, and Lincoln buries his face into Nyko's shoulder. "Thank you, brother. We'll take good care of her, we promise. We all will. Thank you, Nyko, for everything you've done. We'll see each other again, soon, alright?" Lincoln pulls away, but still has both of his hands on Nyko's shoulders. The doctor smiles and nods. "Alright. Thank you, again." Nyko's gone with that. Clarke can see Raven, staring down at her leg. Oh, no. She has to think that Lexa's going to become her. And Raven already has enough issues with her own leg - thinking she's broken, useless, and has no purpose. Clarke is glad that she has Luna, though. Clarke bends her head down, gently touching Lexa's side. 

"Come back to us, Lex. You can't leave. You gotta come back, alright, love? I love you. So much. Please...please be okay." 

* * *

_Lexa stares into the darkness. She's been here for awhile._

_She'd like to leave, but that's clearly not happening any time soon._

_So she watches the darkness. She opens her eyes, and it's still dark. Closes them. Still dark._

_Until it's not._

_Lexa sees_ her _. With a frown, she quietly approaches the woman. "I thought you were dead."_

_"I am," Costia smiles. "But I thought that you needed me. I don't want to see you hurt, Lexa." There's a hard pain in her chest. Can't be real. Can't be real. Costia is dead. She's been dead for years._

_"I watched you die. I- you're not real."_

_"Lexa," Costia frowns, and reaches out a hand. Lexa flinches. "Oh. I'm so sorry, Lex. I tried my best to get you out of there. I tired so hard to let you escape. But I can't...it's too hard when I can't be physical. When I can't touch things," the woman who's pretending to be Costia circles around her. That's all she sees, other than the dark. Costia. Or at least, the fake. " Lexa. Please don't look at me like that. I know how hard it is for you to see me. I know how hard this is for you. And it's not exactly real life. You're in a bit of a coma at the moment," Costia smirks. "Or, something like that."_

_"Where's Clarke?" Lexa asks, fully panicked now. She doesn't want to be here. Something isn't right with this Costia. Her Costia never acted like this. Something is wrong. "I want to go back to Clarke."_

_Then, something snaps. The Costia in front of her transforms into...Costia. The real Costia. Scared, nervous, tired. She looks so scared. When Lexa meets her eyes, life seems to bloom into the broken down woman in front of her. "Lexa!" Costia shouts, getting up from her crouching position. She sprints towards the Commander, and throws herself into her arms. "Oh, god, Lexa! You're here. You're here. How..? How did you get here?"_

_"Costia..?" Lexa wants to cry. "You're dead."_

_"I know I'm dead," Costia laughs, weakly. "I know, trust me, I know. But you're here. How? I've been alone for so long here, Lex. So..so long. How did you get here?"_

_"Do you know Clarke Griffin?"_

_Costia frowns. "Who?" Shit. Shit, shit, and shit._

_"My...my fiance," the look of confusion on Costia's face out ways any kind of hurt she could have shown. "You've been dead for five years, Costia. Five years. I-"_

_"Five? It's...it's been a few months here. I-" she furrows her brows in confusion. "Lexa. Something's wrong. You shouldn't be here. You need to be with, um, Clarke. Her. You need to go back, Lexa. You have to go back. This place..it's not meant for two people. You need to go. Please."_

_"I don't know how, Costia. And I can't just, leave you. You're still my first love. You mean...so much to mean, Costia. You can't-"_

_She holds up a hand. "Lexa. I love you. I love you a lot. And I wish we could be here forever, and I wish that you could.." Costia pauses. "I wish you could still be with me. But you aren't. And you're with Clarke now.  We'll see each other one day. And I'll be fine right here, Lexa. I promise. What do you say now, instead of your fight is over?"_

_Lexa smiles. "May we meet again." Costia does the same._

_"May we meet again? I like that," she glances behind her at the dark. "May we meet again, Lexa Woods."_

_"May we meet again, Costia Larkson."_

_And then the darkness overcomes her, and Costia is gone._

* * *

Clarke blearily opens her eyes to the sight of green ones looking at her. "..L-Lexa?" 

"Hey," the Commander smiles weakly. "How are you?"

"How am  _I_?" Clarke scoffs. "Lex, how are  _you_ , baby? You fell off of a goddamn waterfall, hit a rock, and had to wait about two hours before we could get you here. Are you alright?" Lexa shrugs, and continues smiling at the other. 

"I'm all good. Can't feel my legs, but I heard about that. That I might never walk again."

Clarke frowns, raising an eyebrow. "How did you...hear that?" 

"Nyko, right?" Lexa asks. "I was kinda conscious. But Cage is going to die, and Tsing  _is_ dead, right? And I'm gonna be able to walk one day, with therapy, and support. I remember that, I think." Clarke frowns, gently moving her thumb across Lexa's hand. 

"Yeah. That's how it'll happen." 

Lexa smiles, and leans forwards. She captures Clarke's mouth in a kiss, and loops her wired arms around the blue-eyed woman. "Can we have sex in a hospital, or is that too much?" Clarke laughs, and butts her head against Lexa's. "That's not exactly a no." 

"Lex," Clarke giggles, warmly. "We can't have sex in a hospital. Especially when you have a horrible injury, and can't even feel anything down there," Lexa grumbles something out, sounding much like a "who says I can't feel anything down there". Clarke feels like she's in heaven. She really does. "C'mon, Lex. Go to bed. You need to rest." 

Lexa blinks her big, green eyes up at Clarke. Then she scowls. "Can't make me." 

"Lex. I can and will call the doctor." 

"Fuck you." 

"You would." 

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Just come over here and sleep with me." 

"Oh?"

Lexa scowls. "Not like that. I need to hug you, Clarke. Or I'm gonna start screaming." Clarke jumps off of her chair, scampers into Lexa's hospital bed, and curls up next to her. 

"I love you." 

"Love you, too, nerd." 

* * *

"Wake up, lovebirds. You got visitors." Nyko's voice wakes up Lexa from her peaceful sleeping. Fucking hell. 

"Mmhm. Busy." 

"Pfft," the doctor smirks, Lexa can tell. "Ms. Rivers, Ms. Reyes, Mr. Green, Mr. Jordan, Ms. Woods, Mr. Woods, Ms. Blake, Mr. Bl-"

Clarke groans, and raises one hand. "Nyko, I get it. All of our friends are here. Just let them in." 

" _WOOOOO!_ " Raven screeches at the top of her lungs, kicking open the fucking door. "PARTY TIME!"

"That's a five hundr-"

"Dollar fine? Oh fucking well," Raven grins, slamming a hand down on the base of the bed. "How are my favourite lesbians doing?" 

"Bi," Clarke points out. "And pretty tired." 

Luna appears next to Raven, places a kiss on the side of her cheek, and glances at Lexa. "How are you doing, Lexa?" 

"Pretty good," she smiles. "Luna, c'mere for a second," Luna does, ducking her head so she's at head level with the Commander. "You better marry her." Luna's head shoots up so fucking fast, her entire face bright red. Lexa's face splits into a grin, and she lays back. Luna turns to face Raven, gives an awkward smile, and books it out of the room. 

"What did you do to my Lu?" Raven asks, grinning. "She's flustered." 

"You'll find out later," Lexa yawns. "Where's Murpha-"

"WE'RE BACK, BITCHES!"Octavia kicks open the door this time. "Those slow fuckers are coming soon, don't worry 'bout 'em. Lexa! My babe! How are you!" Murphy and Bellamy quietly slink in, Lincoln and Anya following. Jasper, Monty, and Maya are the last trio to come in. And then Echo softly steps in, using her "assassin skills" to stay dead silent. Lexa spots Roan out of the corner of her eye. 

Her once quiet and peaceful room is now filled with chaos. And she doesn't really mind. She watches her friends laugh, joke around, and throw shit at each other. 

It's perfect. 

And Clarke's right there with her. 


	5. Ch. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mostly dialogue and memories!!
> 
> (its kinda long but dw its worth the read)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet sorry for the lack of chapter!
> 
> my birthday was yesterday (may 17th), so i was a lil bit busy with hiding from my family while they passive aggressively screamed happy birthday to me and tried to break down my door

Clarke is all that happens to be on her mind - she can't stop thinking about her. Ever since Costia appeared in Lexa's mind, it's all she's been thinking about. Other than Clarke. But, well, Costia seems to barge in quite frequently. 

It's been about a month or so, and Lexa still hasn't recovered from that dumb fall. That stupid fall.  _Goddamn fall_. She frowns, and scrolls through Instagram.

 

 **grounder.man** : im so glad lexa is back!!

 **clexaboy.1** : me too!!!

 **leksa.kom.trikru** : ily all !! <3 

 **john.murphy** : GO TO BED ITS 1!!!!!!

 **leksa.kom.trikru** : make me nerd

 **bellamy.blake.throwaway** : lex go bed

 **clarke.griffin.|ilovelexa|** : sleep or im breaking the damn door down

 **leksa.kom.trikru** : shit okay

 **clarke.griffin.|ilovelexa|** : ily <3 

 **leksa.kom.trikru** : whatever nerd ily too 

 

Lexa smiles at her phone, but her heart aches in her chest. She hates it. She hates it so much. Cage, the Mountain, her fall, the fact she can't even move. Hell, she's fucking  _pissed_ herself once or twice. Lexa can't feel  _anything_ below the hips. She can't  _control_ anything down there, either. She shifts in the bed, grabbing both of the sidebars with her hands. "Goddammit," she hisses, pulling herself closer to the pillows. Lexa grabs the phone by her side desk, and quickly dials. "Is Ny-  _Doctor_...Nyko there?" 

"Oh, yes, he is!" Lexa recognises the voice on the other end. 

"Fox?" 

"Wait-  _Lexa_?" Fox sounds shocked. "I'll be right there," the line goes dead, and Lexa rolls her eyes. Just like Fox, to be as hyperactive as she is. Lexa's door,  _it's fucking fixed thank god_ , opens. "Lexa! I didn't even know Nyko was the doctor for you! Or that you were here! Harper's kept me out of the damn loop -- how  _are_ you? Did Cage get arrested? Tsing? How-" 

"Fox," Lexa laughs, holding up a hand. "I'm  _fine_. A bit tired, and in a little bit of pain. Cage is getting arrested, and Tsing is dead. How are  _you_?" 

The nurse rolls her eyes, and plants herself in the chair across from Lexa. "I'm fine. Just...I was worried, Lex. Everyone was.  _Is_ , probably. How long have you been here?"

"About a month or so," she sighs, thumping back against the pillows. "Raven and Octavia kicked down my old door. Clarke punched a nurse in the face. So did Linc and Anya. You'd be surprised how much money they have saved for fines, in specific." Fox grins, pulling out her phone. 

"Lexa Woods!" Fox beams, probably zooming in onto Lexa's face. "Alive and kicking! Hell yeah!" Fox shoots one arm up in the air, still grinning. She shows the video to Lexa. 

Dark circles reside under her eyes. Her hair isn't a mess, surprisingly. Lexa's glad that she doesn't look completely dead. "Thanks, Fox," she sighs, rolling her eyes. "I think you should go. It's past your shift." 

"Wha- how'd you know?" 

"I've got nothing else to do here, Fox. I've memorised some things," she smirks. "Go on, get some rest," she waves the nurse off, and watches her carefully before she shuts the door. Lexa sighs. She likes Fox and all, but the woman can be too talkative. Too hyperactive. She doesn't mind seeing someone other than her tight knit group of friends, but _still_. "I didn't even get Nyko up here." Lexa frowns, but doesn't call again. She, instead, slips into a dreamless sleep. 

* * *

Clarke watches her closely. Lexa's...been acting strange. Well, of course she has. She was kidnapped, tortured, and even fucking jumped off a waterfall. But...still. She isn't the same. Her smile has changed, her green eyes aren't as bright. She's going back into her shell, to put it simply.

And Clarke is fucking terrified. 

The Commander was a brutal gang leader. Someone who didn't give a shit about anyone, not after Costia died. The Commander. A name feared by her own people. She made the Coalition, between all twelve of the "Clans". With Skaikru being the thirteenth.

 

_So when the Commander pulled Clarke into her tent one night, and held a knife to her throat, Clarke wasn't surprised. She didn't say anything, other than "do it already". The Commander had pulled the knife away, and stared deep into the her blue eyes._

_"You want to die."_

_"I don't want to," Clarke corrected. "I know I can't reason with you. Everyone knows what you did to Azgeda."_

_"They deserved it," the Commander snarled. "Those bastards had it coming. Everyone knows that." She spat the last word out._

_"Why? Why'd you do it?"_

_The Commander crossed her arms, and cracked her knuckles. She stared down at the ground, almost as if she wished to burn it. "They killed my love. Costia. Believed she held the secrets to being the Commander. The leader of all the Clans."_

_"Wait--" Clarke frowned. "You're the leader of all of them? And they killed your girlfriend...? Because-"_

_"Yes," the Commander hissed out. "Yes, they did. They killed her. And yes. I am the leader of all of the Clans. I am the Commander. Heda. Heda Lexa."_

_"..Commander Lexa?" Clarke tried out the name. It didn't sound like anything this woman should be called. "Heda. It means Commander in Trigedasleng, right? So..when people talked about their Heda..they meant.."  
_

_The Commander nodded. "They meant me. You are clever, Clarke. So, tell me why you are still here. Tell me why you're trying to learn about me. Is it to destroy my leadership from the inside out?"_

_"No," Clarke started, carefully. "It isn't. I just...you're more than what meets the eye, Lexa."_

_"Lexa?"_

_She smirked. "It's your name, isn't it? Or am I not allowed to use it, oh Commander?"_

_The Commander, Lexa, simply shrugged. "I don't care what you call me. So long as my name doesn't leave this room."_

_"Good. Because, Lexa, you're something else. Something more than what you present yourself as. Why did you accept us at the thirteenth Clan? You know for a fact that our gang has never been something to run with. Or mess with. Is that it? You didn't want to deal with territory wars?"_

_"That was one of the reasons. Your group, the gang. You looked like you could handle yourself. After how many of mine you've killed over disputes and such, I figured it would be better if you were on our side. Bellamy Blake. He's the leader, right?"_

_"No," Clarke laughed. "No, he's not. We don't really have a leader. They just look to him, 'cause he's outspoken. He's good at public speaking. Really good."_

_Lexa frowned. "They look at you the same way."_

_"And your people look at you with fear. It's all the same to you, isn't it? Respect, fear. So long as people listen, you don't care."_

_"No. I do care about them, Clarke. You need to understand that. They are my people. I was put in this position because of something I couldn't control. And you know nothing of me. Don't pretend like you do." Lexa snarled._

_"And what can't you not control, Commander? Your urge to kill? To rule?"_

_"No," Lexa scoffed. "My blood."_

 

Clarke snaps out of her trance when she notices Lexa's eyes on her. "Hey. You good over there, Griffin?" 

"Uhh, yeah. Just thinking about things." 

Lexa frowns. "You need to stop thinking about things, then. You looked really stressed. C'mere," Clarke obeys, and sits down on the edge of Lexa's bed. The other pulls her into a hug, wrapping her arms around her from behind. "Clarke. Talk to me."

"I-" she swallows. "I don't know, Lex. You might never get to use your legs, Cage still isn't on trial, and everyone is acting like it's normal. Even Raven. And you know how worried she was for you. I just...you're..you mean a lot to me, obviously. I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you. And I'm just..so worried. You don't deserve this, Lex. You really don't." Clarke feels herself being turned around to face her. 

"Hey," Lexa frowns even more. "Clarke, you're crying. "Come here," so she does. And when Lexa  _fully_ hugs her, that's when she starts sobbing. "Shh, shh, shh.." Lexa holds Clarke as tightly as possible, just  _adding_ to her fear and guilt. "It's okay, Clarke. It'll be alright. I promise. I love you, okay? I'll be fine. We'll be fine," she hums, softly. "We'll be alright, Clarke. We'll be okay. We'll be okay." 

Clarke wants to believe her. 

But the gnawing feeling in her stomach isn't letting her.

* * *

_"You know, you're pretty good at that." Clarke jumps at the sound of Lexa's voice._

_"You need to stop sneaking up on people, or you're gonna get shot," Clarke grumbles, lowering her pistol. "I almost killed you."_

_Lexa shrugs. "You can't kill me."_

_"Why, is it because you're a Natblida?" She huffs. "Just because you have black blood doesn't mean you're invincible. Trust me. No one is invincible."_

_"I know," Lexa almost scoffs. "Trust_ me _, Clarke, I know. I know that very well."_

_Clarke frowns, and glances away. Right. Costia. "I'm sorry."_

_"Don't be," the response is lightning quick. "It's in the past," Lexa approaches her. She places her arms on the ledge, leaning forwards. "They hate me, you know. You're people. They feel as if I sent Trikru to kill your's. I do hope you know," the Commander stares at her. "That I didn't." Clarke shivers, that icy stare sending chills straight to her heart._

_"I know," even if it isn't true, she'll say it anyways. "How does it feel? To be the leader of the world."  
_

_"I'm not-"_

_Clarke rolls her eyes. "It's a joke, Lexa. Ever heard of one?" Lexa's mouth tightens into a frown. But her eyes aren't as cold. "Just think about it. You're me. Tiny gang, and they're all a bunch of petty shits. Thieves, drugs, stuff like that. Then, John Mbege is suddenly killed. In a rather brutal way. The offenders, Nadimus and Klariam, are arrested three months later. They're sentenced to nine years, each. Because they have an amazing lawyer. A year later, you're invited to be part of the biggest gang_ ever _. Or, at least, the biggest collection of them. Polis is now open to your people, with no penalties. Arkadia isn't safe from the "Grounders", as they're called by us. Then, the leader, the Commander as she's called, takes you into her room. Tells you all about how her gang runs, how no one will fall out of line. Shows you her back - the tattoos engraved in her. To mark that she_ is _the Commander,"_

_"Would you really not think that she's the leader of the world?"_

_Lexa is quiet for a very long time. Then: "Imagine this. You're me. You've heard of a new gang. You send people to investigate. Claudius never comes back. He's run. So you send two. Nadimus and Klariam. They come back, blood on their hands and faces. How angry are you? Very, yes? So you tell them to get the hell out. They do. You hope they get arrested. You keep hearing of this woman, the leader of some small gang. They call themselves the Delinquents. You call them Skaikru - they came from nowhere, and have the impact of a spaceship hitting the ground. You keep an eye on them, and the woman. Her name is Clarke Griffin, her mother a successful doctor. Her father has passed," Clarke is surprised at the careful choice of words. "You investigate more. Bellamy Blake. Close friend of her, but the two clearly aren't together. No feelings. Raven Reyes comes crashing into Skaikru's life surprisingly quickly. You like her already - a sarcastic, doesn't give a shit mechanic. You want her to be yours. You want her in Trikru. In Polis,"_

_"So you send them an invitation. But the blonde catches your eye more so than Raven does. Raven now has a brace, looks deflated, and isn't nearly as loud. So you set your sights on the strong one - Clarke. How she's changed. Longer hair, more scars. A fierce, distant look in her eyes. You take her to your room. You tell her about your marks, how you're the Commander, and how your word is law. You know she'll fight it - you've watched her do it. She looks angry, but you continue. She's still defiant, but works well with your higher-ups and other generals. Indra likes her. You find yourself wondering about her. She leads well, better than you. She can teach people, she's a doctor. Or at least, someone who knows medicine. She likes art. She's clearly in control, even if you say that_ you _pull the strings,"_

_"Would you really not think that she's a better Commander than you?"_

_Clarke is dead silent._

* * *

Lexa stares into the dark void that is her dreamland. Costia appears, a tiny smile on her face. "I told you not to come back." 

"You looked lost, the last time I saw you. I just.." 

"You aren't with me," Costia sighs, holding up a hand. "Lex, I'll love you forever. But I know how easily you get attached. Go back. Go to Clarke. She needs you now more than ever. She's worried about you, Lexa. I can tell." 

"Why?" She frowns. 

Costia sighs again. "Stop becoming the old you. Stop going back to being the Commander when you feel scared. You aren't the Commander. You're Lexa Woods. Now, go." 

* * *

_"You're fucking kidding me," Raven scoffs. Lexa watches carefully from the side. "How the hell do I-"_

_"Raven," she approaches the other, slowly. The mechanic stiffens. "You need to tighten the screw on that side. It's too loose," she informs the woman. Raven does, never letting her eyes leave the Commander. Whatever she's doing, it works the next time. "Now, come with me. We need to talk."_

_"What, finally had enough of me? Gonna get rid of me?"_

_"In a sense, yes," Lexa states. She realises that that's the wrong choice of words. Seeing Raven's face struck dead by fear, then rage, makes her feel a little bad. "No," she quickly corrects. "No, I'm not. We just..need to talk," Lexa swallows. "Please."_

_Raven, very wary of the situation now, slowly follows. She doesn't like that please. But she walks with Lexa into the Commander's room. "What the hell is this?"_

_"Sit," Lexa nods at the bed. Raven does. "I want you to meet someone," she pauses, glancing at the dark door. "Luna," a woman with curly hair appears, gently stepping forwards. "Raven. Meet Luna kom Floatkru. She is...the leader of Floatkru. But she isn't part of the Coalition. You are the only one, other than my siblings, who know of her. And Titus, I suppose," the woman, Luna, frowns at the name. "I have taken notice of your skill, but also of your scars. And your personality," Lexa nods at Luna. "You're a very angry person, Raven Reyes."_

_Raven scoffs. "Yeah, damn right I am. Ever had your leg blown apart? Yeah, doubt it. Fuck you," Luna laughs, just barely. "What? Is that funny to you? Someone else's pain?" Luna quickly frowns, and steps closer to the other._

_"No. No, it is not. I'm sorry if I made it seem like that. Just..I am not used to hearing L- The Commander.." Luna changes her words, earning a glare from Lexa. "Be insulted. If she hasn't already explained to you...we're going to leave here. It'll just be us two, and we're not doing much. Just exploring, and whatever comes to mind. Alright?" Lexa knows better. Luna has a crush on the mechanic - she's had it since the first time Lexa told her about the woman. Plus, Luna is basically a therapist. She's amazing at helping people, calming people down, and all in all making them better. Her entire "pacifist"  route has worked quite well for her._

_"Go on, Raven. As the Commander-"_

_"-you order me to," Raven rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Just tell Clarke where I've gone." And she walks to Luna, completely willingly, and they both walk off. Lexa smiles, just a little._

_She hopes it works._

* * *

"Happy one month!!" Raven shouts, breaking down the fucking door, again. 

"Five hu-"

"I KNOW SHUT UP-" Nyko just rolls his eyes, ducking his head down. "Lu!" Raven grabs her girlfriend's hand, dragging her into Lexa's room. "Look at her!" Lexa rolls her eyes, and give them a thumb's up. "She looks so much better, right?"

"Yeah," Luna smiles. "How are you feeling, Lex?" The woman asks, placing a hand on the sidebars of Lexa's bed. "Feeling any better?" 

"Much," she laughs. "A lot better, now that Raven has to pay another fine." 

Raven scoffs, but she's still smiling. Clarke presses a kiss to Lexa's forehead, and watches as the rest of their friends pour in. Murphy with Bellamy, Jasper, Motny, and Maya. Lincoln and Anya appear, with Octavia on Anya's shoulders, chanting "DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS". Lexa grins at the dumbasses she calls her friends. Bellamy, especially. She remembers him, when they first met. How loud he was, and how annoying and harsh Murphy was. Jasper and Monty are more lax now, and even Maya seems less nervous. Lincoln, too. He's much more laid-back now, ever since he met Octavia. And Octavia isn't the scared girl she once knew. Lexa smiles, just thinking about their transformations. If only she knew Clarke, before the gang stuff. She wishes she knew her in her childhood. She really does.

* * *

_Green eyes, brown braided hair, light skin. Black paint under both eyes. She looks like a fucking raccoon._

_The woman next to her is the complete opposite._

_Black hair, brown eyes, dark skin. Scars cover her face, and Clarke can see the warpaint. At least_ she _doesn't look like a goddamn trash thief. To be fair, she isn't sure if she should be calling the Commander, Ms. Lexa Woods, a trash thief. Especially when she's quite honestly shit at stealing. She's better at hunting, and showing up in times of need. Indra...she isn't sure about. That's Indra, right? She isn't sure. She knows Gustus and Titus are close to Lexa, and the man bowing at her feet is Roan Frosts, from Azgeda._

_"..in return.."_

_"Yes, she must be.."_

_"..dead. I can do that."_

_"...are you sure? It's very.."_

_"...always."_

_"..never missed a mark."_

_"...I hate her, anyways."_

_Clarke can barely hear the bits and pieces of their conversation. But she knows that Lexa wants someone dead, and apparently Roan can do that. Clarke knows Roan, quite...personally. Considering how the fucker kidnapped her, brought her to Lexa, and then poofed. She doesn't exactly hate him, she just...doesn't like him._

_But a day goes past, and Clarke chooses to forget about the meeting._

_Until Roan challenges Lexa to a duel. Of course, his mother, Nia (or something, Clarke doesn't care), is watching from the stands. And maybe Clarke is worried, but she doesn't say so. She watches, in pure and utter horror, as the duel starts._

_Both parties are handed their swords. Both parties stand in the center of an alleyway, with multiple people watching from the sides, buildings, everywhere. It's raining. Trashcans are scattered along the sidelines, and trash bags are, too. Lexa slits open her hand, and Roan does the same. Clarke notices how neither of them wince. And how both of them have scars, just like the cuts they've made on their hands. They shake said hands with each other, and Lexa's mouth quirks into a smirk. She's confident. Roan is stoic, and makes sure to show it. He backs away from her, raises his sword, and shouts to the Azgedian side. "Are you ready for blood?"_

_The screams echo in Clarke's mind. And Lexa, turns to face Trikru. As well as all the other Clans. "Who's ready for justice!?" She shouts. Everyone howls, so loudly Clarke's afraid she might pass out. She watches the two sprint at each other, blades raised. The two parry, but Lexa manages to slice into Roan's cheek. He ducks back, throws a hand to his cheek, and grins. He stabs at Lexa, who drops to the ground and rolls underneath him. She leaps up behind him, slams her sword down to his head. Roan blocks, and shoves her back. Lexa doesn't stop. She spins around, and stabs deep into Roan's shoulder. The man doesn't even flinch. Clarke wants to yell for Lexa to watch out, because she can see the next move Roan'll make. He slices left, which Lexa dodges, but the kick to the knees presses her down. He does the same thing Lexa did. Except he stabs down. Lexa rolls out of the way, and leaps back to her feet. This goes on for at least five minutes, until Roan's sword is thrown out of his hand. He's on the rainy cement, with people from all gangs and Clans screaming at him. Lexa stands over him, sword pressed to his neck._

_Nia says something in Trigedasleng, something Clarke doesn't understand._

_"Get it over with." Roan scoffs up at Lexa. But...he isn't afraid. He knows something. Clarke knows he isn't going to die, and she isn't sure why._

_But when Lexa throws the sword in her hand up at Nia, and it hits the woman, Clarke knows._

_She would never call Lexa by that dumb title._

_But now, now she knows._

_The Commander truly_ is  _the leader of the world._


	6. Ch. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nothing here is set in the present - but they're all very important flashbacks/memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS AT 973 HITS WHEN I UPLOADED THE LAST CHAPTER, 6 BOOKMARKS, AND LIKE 53 KUDOS I CHECKED IT IN AN H O U R  
> u guys are so good ily all

With Raven gone with Luna, Lexa's sure she can finally relax. She crosses her arms, leans on the ledge of the balcony, and watches. Maybe if she was to put out a few Azgedians to the west, they wouldn't be having that issue with the Mountain. Or the, what do they call themselves? Mountain Men? She really hasn't been paying attention to them. Lincoln has - of course he has. Her brother always pays attention to  _everything_ , it's ridiculous. Anya does the same - but to a...different...degree. The fact that she really enjoys scouring different territories, picking fights, and getting in a shit ton of trouble..sucks. Lexa is, well, annoyed. Her older sister seems to be on a downward spiral, and Lexa isn't going to let that happen. She does love her older sister, even if she doesn't show it well enough sometimes. She sighs, and lets her head hit her arms. Goddammit. With Clarke, she's never felt so defensive of her position. No one has ever challenged her, not like Clarke. Even if they  _do_ challenge her, she can take care of it easily. But something within her just...she doesn't want to kill Clarke. Doesn't want to hurt her, doesn't want to prove anything. Fuck. Lexa doesn't  _need_ to prove anything to Clarke. She's the  _Commander_ _,_ and that's that. Nothing else needs to be said. She's the leader of the biggest gang circle in the entire fucking world, and Clarke  _will_ listen to her orders. 

Titus and Indra have already spoken out about  _their_ opinions on the woman. Too commanding, you care about her too much, she's gonna take your spot. Fuck them. Fuck them all! Lexa can be a Commander just fine, and  _not_ have to kill the blonde. Sure, sure, killing Clarke would give her something.  _Regret_. That's it. Skaikru'd break away, probably try to kill her. Clarke'd be dead, and she's actually pretty alright for gathering information. Plus, she's convincing. She's helped multiple deals go right, and Lexa's thankful for that. She's...she's never been a people person. Not after Costia's death. Costia was always the people person out of the two of them. Come to think of it... _no_. Clarke is  _not_ Costia. Clarke will never  _be_ Costia. Costia cannot be replaced, and that's final. Lexa will  _not_ even  _think_ about having anything more with this... _fucking goddammit son of a bitch_.

Lexa isn't in love. She's not capable of that - not after Costia. Not after Costia. No. She isn't...she doesn't even  _like_ Clarke! She's nothing more than some shitty business partner. They don't like each other - it's going to stay that way. She's the Commander. Clarke isn't. Lexa tightens her grip on the ledge. Fuck. She's just being smart, that's it. So long as Clarke stays alive, Skaikru will stay loyal to  _her_. And so long as Skaikru stays loyal to Lexa, she doesn't have to worry about border wars. Yes. That's it. She doesn't want to deal with border wars. Clarke gets to live, because Lexa is lazy. That's exactly the reason. Nothing more. Nothing ever more. She moves herself off of the ledge, and crosses her arms as she hears footsteps. 

"You look like shit,"  _fuck._ That's  _not_ what she needs right now. Lexa turns to face  _Clarke_ , eyes already half-rolled. "Having fun, 'o Commander? You're just staring at the ground. Kinda concerning." 

"I'm thinking," Lexa sighs. "It's common for a person to do that, you know," she frowns, and turns back. "Tell me, Clarke. If your people were killing their own families, what would you do?" 

Clarke appears next to her, but doesn't look at her. "Well, I would find out the reason why. If I could fix it, I would." 

"But  _how_ would you fix it?"

"I'm not gonna go by your dumb, "blood must have blood" rule, Lexa. That's stupid, and you know it. I'd make sure the main leaders behind the killings were punished. Then I'd give back to the families who had been damaged. Easy." 

Lexa scoffs. "It's not that simple, Clarke. You of all people should know this. You didn't seem to have this mindset when you lynched John Murphy," Clarke visibly shudders at the mentioning of that. Apparently, Clarke and Murphy are now good friends, somehow. Lexa has no fucking clue how that happened. "Now. You're in my position. These men are good fighters, good smugglers, good at the things they do. But they're troublemakers. How do you solve it?"

"I already told you-"

"John Murphy and Bellamy Blake. They've killed Octavia Blake, Raven Reyes, and Nathan Miller. What do you do?"

Clarke is quiet for awhile. "Well, if I knew them  _that_ personally.." she trails off, frowning. Lexa hates the fact that she's noticed how Clarke's face gets when she's thinking. Her eyes narrow a bit, her entire face scrunches up. "I'd banish them. Make sure they never came back. Then, if I saw them again, I-" she swallows. "I guess I'd...have to..." Clarke's frown gets even deeper. "I..I don't know." The blonde doesn't look at Lexa. That..that almost hurts. Did she go to far? No, she didn't. Lexa has to deal with these things everyday. She's killed so many John Murphys and Bellamy Blakes, it's ridiculous. And the fact that Clarke's upset just thinking about it? Even more ridiculous. There's...if she wants to be a good leader, she has to make these decisions. Needs to make an example out of some people, when it needs to happen. Just like how Lexa killed the other Nightbloods in her class. She was going to be the Commander - she wasn't going to just lie down and  _die_. No. To be a Commander, you must be tough. 

But Clarke isn't a Commander. She'll never be the Commander. Because  _Lexa_ is, and that's how it'll stay. Nothing will change that. So Lexa leans back on the railing, sighs, and stares down into the city. "I care, you know," she starts, softly. "About what you think. Indra thinks the best solution is violence. So does Anya. Lincoln only wants peace, but that cannot always happen. And Titus..." she scoffs. "Doesn't really care. But you do," Lexa has no fucking clue why she's saying  _any_ of this. "You're...you have different ideas. Different opinions. It's...refreshing, almost. To hear something else, other than "kill them", or "let them go with nothing"." She glances down at the city below her. She runs this city, whether they think it or not. And maybe, what Clarke said...about her being the leader of the world. Maybe that's right.

"You.. _what_? You actually care about what I think?" Lexa can hear the sarcasm in her voice. "Why?" Then it's gone. Period. There's only shyness and questions in her tone. 

"I told you," Lexa hears herself snap. Fuck. No. That's not..that's not how she's supposed to respond. "Sorry," she swallows down the dryness in her throat. "I told you," that sounds softer, Lexa thinks. "You help. I've made more...careful decisions, because of you. You help me think of the pros and cons, more so than the others. It's nice. To get a second opinion. A lot of people are afraid of me, Clarke. And I'm not sure how I change that. But you aren't. You're not afraid of me." 

"...well, you're kind of hard to be afraid of," there's a lighter tone in Clarke's voice. "If you saw yourself the way I saw you.." Lexa looks at the other for the first time in this entire conversation. She's...flushed. "You're this girl. You look so young. So...young. And you're leading these gangs. Some of the most fierce people in the entire world, and yet you don't look the part. You're a good person, Lexa," Lexa watches Clarke's throat bob. "And you're..soft. Not in a bad way," the words are rushed. Is she afraid of Lexa? Is...is Clarke, somewhere deep down, afraid of her? "You care. I've noticed this, now. You care, about them. About your people. I...I don't know where Raven is. I don't know what you did, but.." there's a pause "I feel like she's happier. And I trust you." 

Lexa stays quiet for a few heartbeats. "I trust you, too, Clarke," she glances up at the blonde. "You told me I was the leader of the world, once," she looks back to the city, before she pushes herself back. Her mouth quirks up into a smile, and she outstretches a hand. Clarke looks at her, pretty damn surprised. "So. Wanna lead the world together?" 

Clarke grins, and takes Lexa's hand with her own. "Let's do it." 

* * *

They stop being a gang from that moment. Well, at least, they'd like to think it. Clarke and Lexa are now...more like vigilantes. Or at least, that's what Clarke calls them. Lexa doesn't mind. She's stopped listening to Indra at this point. Lincoln is the most supportive to her, more supportive than she's seen him in a long time. Lexa, much to Clarke's surprise, gets half of her own gang arrested. When she asks why, Lexa only shrugs and smiles. 

"I'm not the leader of the world anymore. We are. It's best if we try each other's styles." 

"I'm not killing anyone." 

"Wouldn't expect you to."

After about the third month of the two "leading the world together", Lexa's pretty sure Clarke is more than just a friend. She's a very good person, with pretty strong morals. Everything she does is basically "for her people", and Lexa can respect that. She'd be surprised if Clarke did something just for herself, or because she wanted to. She likes the way Clarke looks when she thinks. Eyes narrowed, face scrunched up. How she weighs every single idea and option before settling on something. How she asks the lowest members of the group. So, Lexa decides it's time. Time that she finally meets Aden. And, of course, the other Nightbloods. But mainly Aden. That's who she wants Clarke to meet. So she drags her into a room, barely lit, and sets her down on the bed. 

"This is some really fucked up sexual fantasy, y'know," Clarke sighs. Lexa hopes that, with her back turned in the dark, Clarke can't see her blush. "Why am I here again?" 

"I'm showing you something." 

"Do you have to?" 

Lexa sighs, and turns back to face Clarke. "Do  _you_ have to always be defiant?" 

"Yes." 

"There's your answer," Lexa can hear a quiet " _shit_ " from the other, and scoffs. She opens a door, just enough that Aden can fit through. Lexa lights a few of the candles in the room, and watches as Clarke's eyes scan the room. "Clarke. Meet Aden." 

The sandy-haired boy gives a gentle smile to the woman. Clarke's eyes are _huge_ , and her jaw is practically dangling. "Hi," Aden glances over back at Lexa, who gives him a soft nod. "I'm Aden. I'm like Heda. I'm a Nightblood, too. If anything was to happen to Heda Lexa, I'd be the next Commander. Or, at least, the one she'd like to be," Lexa smiles at the younger Nightblood. "She's told me about you, too." 

"Tell her what I told you. If you become Commander."

"I'll keep the Coalition with Skaikru," he nods. "All of us will, if someone other than me wins. We all promised, Heda made us swear on it." Clarke stares at the boy in shock. 

"...who- who?"

"Aden, ma'am," he politely dips his head. "I've been training under Heda's leadership for awhile. I'm a Nightblood, like her. So I'm eligible to be the next Commander." Lexa notices that Clarke's seem to finally gain her composure. 

"How old are you, Aden?"

"Thirteen, ma'am." 

Lexa takes a step closer to the boy. "It's okay to call her Clarke, Aden. She doesn't bite." Aden nods, and smiles up at Lexa. 

"And...you're training to be... _her_?" Clarke points at Lexa.

"Yes." 

"The Commander?"

"Yes." 

" _The Commander?"_

"Yes," Aden laughs. "Heda was just like me, when we trained," Lexa wants to correct him. No, she wasn't. It was much more aggressive. She grew up with Luna, and that made it even worse, knowing that she would have to kill one of her friends. "I'm preparing to be the Commander, and run the gangs in Polis. As well as Skaikru. Heda made us all promise that we would keep Skaikru in the Coalition, and not harm them."

And maybe Lexa's heart does a dumb little backflip when Clarke stares at her, and grins. And that grin is so...so fucking brilliant.

* * *

"So, when you told me you trusted me," Clarke starts. Lexa's laying on her bed, blueprints held up in front of her. So the nearest storage closet is directly by the first entrance. She can do that. "Does that mean with everything?" She scans the next room. It'd be difficult to get in there, with no one knowing. Lincoln could go through the tunnels, but Lexa doesn't want to risk that...no, she could always send Anya? She knows how to get around Mount. Weather. If her stories are to be believed. Of course, she could have been lying, considering how drunk she was at the time. "...Lexa?" She frowns. If she  _really_ wanted to get into that room, she could have her main patrol just storm it. No, that's not clever at all. Nor is it the way she wants to go. She's been trying extra hard to keep the kill count down. So, Lincoln is by far her best bet. As much as she hates the Reaper Tunnels, she's sure her brother could navigate them. Hell, she's  _positive_ he can. She yelps when a sketchpad hits her fucking face. "Lexa!" She puts down the blueprints, and sits up. 

" _What_!" Lexa frowns, crossing her arms. "I was  _busy_." 

"And now you're not!" Clarke smirks. "I was  _saying_. How much do you trust me?"

Lexa raises an eyebrow. "Why?" Clarke shrugs. "What are you up to, Griffin?" Lexa doesn't like that sly look in those blue eyes. She likes the blue eyes -  _wait no_ -, but not the look. "Clarke."

"Lexa," she smirks even more. "Stand up," the voice is commanding - and very unlike Clarke. So, even if she's confused, Lexa does. She crosses her arms even more, and stares at the blonde. "Close your eyes, and turn around."

"I hate this." Lexa frowns, closing both eyes, and spinning around. She trusts Clarke with her fucking life, sure, but this..she doesn't like. Doesn't like  _not_ being able to see the people behind her, or not even know what's about to happen. She really doesn't. She feels two hands on her shoulders, and she stiffens. A lot. 

"Hey, shh, shh," Clarke hums, softly. She doesn't like that, either. Though Lexa does try her best to be so frigid. She feels the warmth of Clarke's arms, and she has to  _force_ herself not the open her eyes. Clarke slowly presses herself up against Lexa, and finally wraps her arms around the other's waist. "Trust me?" The voice is  quiet, soft, careful. Lexa just nods. She feels herself being pulled back, and then turned around. "Sit," Clarke's voice is gentle, and so steady. So comforting. Lexa does. The warmth leaves from her body, and she shivers. Is she meant to feel this nervous? Is she meant to feel this scared, this sensitive to touch? "Put your hands on your knees," she does. Then she feels hands on her own. Clarke's thumbs roll over the tops of her hands, her other fingers roaming under, on her palm. When her hands are drawn upwards, Lexa shivers. "Don't be afraid, Lex," Lex? That's...new. "Don't be afraid."

Then there's a kiss pressed to her hands. Lexa opens her eyes, staring down at Clarke. Clarke's cheeks are flushed, her head bent downwards. "Clarke," she swallows, hating how her voice creaks. "Trust me?"

"Always." Her voice is barely more than a whisper. So Lexa stands, and holds Clarke's hands as she pulls her upwards. She guides the blonde to her bed, and when Clarke sits down, Lexa kneels. 

"Life isn't just about surviving," she starts, softly. "It's about living. I was twelve, when I became the Commander. The previous one died, their name I do not remember as well as I should. I killed kids, because I wanted to survive. Luna was one of them, you don't know her. You may, one day. I killed them all, and I won. But Luna fled. She left, and lives a live of peace. She's living," she doesn't look up. "I sent three hundred of my men to try to destroy you. I sent them all to try and kill your people. When three hundred of them didn't come back, I realised just who I was up against. And I...I never was interested in Raven Reyes, Clarke. It was always you. You were always the one who caught my eyes - with your blue eyes and blonde hair, and strong voice and leadership skills. How you commanded your people was...it was better than how I did it. And when I saw three hundred of my men, all buried in Polis's meadow..I knew that you were more than a leader. You were a human, who cared for others. Who cared about your gang, and the people in it. And even the people sent to kill you. How much you respected them..I know if it was mine, the bodies would be burnt,"

"I promise to never betray you again, Clarke Griffin. Ai tombom ste yun, Klark Griffin kom Skaikru."

Clarke stares down at her, and Lexa's terrified she's said something wrong. Then, a hand is held out. She takes it, and is pulled up. "Yu sei houd kom me, Leksa. Nou nosho bilaik, beja. Ai...Ai hod yu in." Lexa looks at Clarke in total shock. 

"Ai hod yu in, seintaim, Klark. Ai hod yu in seintaim."

And as Clarke slowly moves herself off of the bed, Lexa's nervousness doubles. She isn't supposed to fall in love. Love is weakness. The only thing that matters is her running the gang, her being the Commander. Her shoving down the unneeded emotions. But when Clarke slowly moves forwards, closer and closer to Lexa, she's unsure. Is that right? Life is more than simply surviving - it's about living. 

So she makes the move. She presses her lips to Clarke's, and hopes with every fiber of her being that that's the right thing to do. That  _that's_ the thing Clarke wants. And judging by the way Clarke kisses her back. Lexa's pretty sure she got it right. But when Clarke's hands wrap around her back, pulling down her loosely fitted clothing, she panics. She pulls away from Clarke, and quickly covers herself back up. "I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I- I can't, I can't.."

"It's okay-" Clarke frowns, taking a step forwards. "Lexa, did I- did I hurt you?" She shakes her head, making sure to look down. She can't let Clarke see her like this. 

"I haven't...not since..Costia." Her voice is barely a whisper. Barely. Barely. 

"Ohh, Lexa," Clarke's voice drops into a deep, worried sound. "Lexa. Can I- can I touch you? Not..like that, just...hugging. Kisses, things like that." 

"Please." 

So Clarke does. She pulls the Commander into a hug, kisses the top of her head. She rubs circles into her back, holds her tightly. Lexa buries her head into Clarke's neck, lets her sit her down onto the bed. And when Clarke curls up next to her, one hand placed on Lexa's shoulder, Lexa thinks she knows. 

She never needed to be leader of the world. 

She just needs Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah -  
> translations:  
> Ai tombom ste yun, Klark Griffin kom Skaikru: My heart is yours, Clarke Griffin of the Sky People  
> Yu sei houd kom me, Leksa. Nou nosho bilaik, beja. Ai...Ai hod yu in.: You mean the world to me, Lexa. Don't doubt that, please. I...I love you.  
> Ai hod yu in, seintaim, Klark. Ai hod yu in seintaim.: I love you, too, Clarke. I love you too


	7. Ch. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaand we're back to the present!! enjoy owo

"Babe! Babe! Babe! Look at you! You're doing it!" Clarke grins, bouncing on her heels like a goddamn excited puppy. "Look at that! I'm so proud of you-" 

"Clarke!" Lexa tries to snap at her fiance, but it doesn't work. It just comes out as a giggle, her face flushed and eyes narrowed. "I'm trying to focus on doing this!" She grins, crosses her arms, and focuses down on her legs.  _Okay_ , easy. She's moved one up already, how hard can it be to move the ot-

" _We need to get Raven_ -"

"Clarke-"

"I'll be back!" The blonde shouts, before she disappears through the door. Lexa rolls her eyes. Fuck, does she love her fiance. This dumb, dumb human being. Correction, Clarke isn't dumb. She just...she gets excited, sometimes. And that's perfectly fine. Lexa loves her anyways. Lexa closes her eyes, leans her head back, and starts to count. 

_1..2..3..4, and..now._

There's a feral shriek, and her door, once closed, is kicked open so hard the thing flies off its fucking hinges. "Good morning, Raven." Lexa drawls, holding back laughter. 

"YOU CAN MOVE YOUR LEGS??"

"One of them," she sighs, placing her arms behind her head. "How..no offense, but how did you..?" 

Raven groans. "I had no pain meds, so I kinda just sucked it up. It was a bitch, to be honest, but like, eh. Gotta get it done. But I mostly just..the will, I guess? I really wanted to prove that I wasn't broken, or crippled, so I had a lot of motivation to prove everyone wrong. So, first chance I got, I rolled off the bed, hit the ground, and slowly made my way back up to the real world." 

"Raven.."

"Don't give me that look, both of you," the woman rolls her eyes. "Now! This is a fucking  _moment_! Can I?" Lexa gives a brief nod, and Raven stalks over the the foot of the bed. She kneels, and places a hand on the leg Lexa just...can't seem to fucking move. "Feel anything?" She brushes her hand over Lexa's kneecap. The Commander shakes her head. No. "Hm. Shit," Raven frowns, slowly moving her hand back and forth over Lexa's legs. "Shout if you feel anything." When she starts to do her second leg, Lexa nods. 

"There," she glances down where Raven's hand is. Right under her knee. "Is..is that good?" Raven crosses her arms, tilts her head, and gets that look. The one where she's trying to solve a problem. She has that look a lot, nowadays. Lexa notices it. 

"Well, yes," the mechanic huffs. "And no. You can't feel the other one, and anything close to the uhh,  _Bat Cave_.." Lexa snorts. "Are kinda..not being felt. Don't worry, same. But, uhh, it's progress. And I used to hate that stupid phrase, 'cause progress doesn't mean fixed. But, it gets better. Trust me."

Lexa nods, smiling. "Thanks, Ray. It does help - you don't...you don't know how much it helps."

"Well, kinda," she sighs, rolling her eyes. "Listen, Lex. I never thought I'd say it, but uhh," the mechanic sighs again. "Thanks for the, whole. y'know. Luna," Raven glances at the door. "She's...she's a goddamn miracle worker, you know? I bet you do, that's the reason you sent me with her, right?" Lexa grins. "There's more to it?"

"She was in fucking love with you as soon as she saw you." 

Raven's face splits into a grin, her eyes shining with joy. "That goddamn nerd. I love her so much," she laughs, wiping at the sides of her eyes. "Goddamn, Lexa. Shouldn't have told me that, 'cause now I'm even more in love." 

"That's all we have, right?" Lexa smiles. "Love. It's something we can look forwards to." Raven nods. 

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have one. So, thanks, Lex. Thank you. A lot. Seriously, I'm in love with that goddamn nerd," Lexa nods and smiles, giving Raven a fond pat. "Well, I gotta head out - Sinclair's already covering for my ass. See you two later!" Raven grins, not bothering to shut the broken door. 

"You...you're the reason Raven went away?" Clarke stares at the Commander in disbelief.  " _You're_ the reason she's...not like, super murderous? And..you're the reason she has Luna?" 

"I guess, yeah," Lexa ducks her head. "Luna had a crush on her, first time seeing her. So, I kinda made some arrangements. She liked Raven, Raven needed some anger management courses, it was meant to be. Plus, I thought it'd be good for the both of them. Luna's always needed someone to be there for her - she isn't very loud. Wasn't, I guess. And Raven, she needed someone like Luna. Soft, quiet, not angry. I thought...I just figured it'd work."

Clarke grins, and presses a kiss to Lexa's nose. "I love you. You're a fucking matchmaker, and I didn't even know it! God, that's...wow," she grins even more. "I love you, my raccoon Commander." 

"You missed my mouth," Lexa snarks up at her. "You're aim has always been pretty bad, though. Maybe we can work on that." Clarke puts both hands on either side of Lexa, and scoffs. 

" _My_ aim is bad?" 

"Nia." Lexa reminders her, and Clarke's face goes bright red.

"Well...you had been preparing for that moment. And I don't blame you, love, just.." Lexa smirks. "Shut up."

* * *

_"Do you have to never listen to me?"_

_Lexa adjusts the trench-coat thing she's wearing, and smirks at Costia. "I'm the Commander - I can do what I want,"  she crosses her arms with a dreary sigh. "You wouldn't believe what's happening in the real world, Costia. This is a dreamland, right?"  
_

_"In a way," she shrugs. "It's..more like limbo," Costia nods towards the faint glowing by her side. "That's been there since I've gotten here. I think it's...the end. Or, where we go when we fully leave. Did you believe? That the City of Light truly existed?" She asks, some girlish wonder in her voice._

_"No," Lexa shakes her head. "I never thought about it. Figured it was too good for a criminal like me - and I didn't like those sorts of things," she brushes her hands down the black, loosely fitting coat. "But...why are you still here? No offense, just.."_

_Costia smiles, softly. "I understand, no offense taken. I think it's just because...I wanted to wait for you. Forever."_

_"..Oh," Lexa swallows. "Costia, I-"_

_"I know, Lexa. Trust me, I know. You're in love with Clarke now. But I'm still going to wait. I'd like to meet her one day - she better be taking good care of you." Lexa smiles and nods._

_"She will. But..I needed to ask you something."_

* * *

 "Good news," Nyko smiles at her, his smile beaming. "Cage Wallace is on death row." 

The entire fucking room goes up in cheers, with Raven jumping up and pumping her arms. Monty and Jasper high-five, Bellamy and Murphy grin at each other. Maya smiles softly to herself, and Echo does the same. Roan approaches Lexa on quiet feet, smiling. "We did it, didn't we, Commander? It all started with Nia's d- disappearance.." he finishes the last word carefully, after noticing Nyko's look. 

"Don't worry, Mr. Frosts," Nyko smirks. "I've known for awhile." 

"He can be trusted, Roan. Don't worry," Lincoln smiles. "And that's...so good, Ny. Thank you for telling us," he pulls the doctor into a hug, squeezing the man so hard Lexa's sure he might  _die_. "Will...will they allow the families of the victim to be there?"

"I wish I knew," Nyko frowns. "But I'm sure it'll be allowed - after all," he winks. "Kane is a very fair man." 

Lexa nods, and sits up as fully as possible. "I'm glad. After all he's done.." she trails off with a sigh. "I'm glad he's finally getting what he deserves. God knows all the people he's done this to before." Maya shifts on the balls of her feet, ducking her head. 

"Um.." she frowns, glancing up towards the group. "I- I think I need to tell you guys something."

"What's the matter, Maya?" Clarke frowns, taking a step closer to the other girl. "Are you alright? Nyko, I-"

"No," Maya swallows. "It- it's fine. It's fine. But...you know the, um, Reapers? That's what you call them, right?" Lexa gives a brief nod. "Well..they're from the Clans. Trikru, and st- stuff. Shadow Valley's. They're..addicted, to some drug. Cage makes it. It'll kill them, if they can't get it. And no one's ever broken free of it," Octavia frowns, and holds Lincoln's hand tighter. "And...when their gang gets hurt..they," Maya looks like she's going to start crying. "They use other people. For blood. They drain them dry. And a lot of the times, Arkadia is so isolated from the rest of the world, it goes unnoticed. And they're part of the um, Coalition, too. And.."

"Wait, wait,  _wait a fuckin' second_ ," Murphy holds up a hand, scowling. "You're kidding me, right? There are, what, how many people there?" 

Maya shudders. "Thousands."

"How can a thousand people go missing, and Arkadia does  _nothing_ about it?" He clenches both of his fists. "What the  _fuck_!? It's a goddamn...it's a big place, yeah, but that many people can't just...go missing." 

"Neighbouring cities don't like us, Murphy," Lexa frowns. "There's always been war for Polis, and a lot of the cops here.." she sighs. "Bell was a cop, wasn't he?" Bellamy nods, looking away. "Ever since Pike died.." 

"Ever since he was killed," Octavia corrects. "I'll be the first to admit it. No one liked that bastard, and one day he turns up dead? He was murdered."

"And now thousands of people are going missing, and no one is doing anything? Probably because half of the police in this goddamn city  _are_ part of that project," Monty grits his teeth. "We need to help them. We  _need_ to get them back to their families. Raven, there's an internal power source in the Mountain. Or, well, whatever we're calling it. Jasper and I saw it, when, um," Jasper gives Monty's hand a squeeze. "I think we all know why we were there." 

"If we turn that off," Jasper smirks. "Power goes out. Cages open, rooms unlock. Everything that was once off-limits, is, well," he grins. "Open to the public. And I know a few of the gangs want to get some revenge. Plus, Bell's got ties to the station. We can get the cops involved, get the Mountain Men arrested, and fuckin' flee the scene. It'll be great."

Lexa frowns, and leans forwards. "Lincoln," the man snaps his head towards his little sister. "You'll be going through the Reaper Tunnels with Anya, Octavia, and Indra. You'll be our distraction. Monty, Jasper, Maya, and Raven. You're the main team. You'll dismantle the power source, and then you're  _gone_ , understand? Bellamy, Murphy, and Echo. You'll be rescuing the prisoners, make sure that they can get out. Clarke, Luna, and anyone else who ends up getting done quickly - you'll be our fighters. Clarke, I expect you to bring the gang with you. If you don't I'm gonna be upset. We'll do this tomorrow. Any questions?" Half of the group nods, while the other half stares at her in amazement. Or shock, she can't tell. 

Raven's the first to grin. "Welcome back, Commander." 

* * *

 Passive-aggressively wheeling out of a hospital is  _not_ where Lexa saw herself in five years. Well, she never would have put it down in that dumb high school "where do  _you_ see yourself in a few years?". But, here she is. None of her group wanted her to help, but she's still going to fucking follow them. Clarke let her out of the hospital, and currently, she's in a wheelchair. It  _sucks_. She keeps moving though, considering how she doesn't want to hold them up. "Babe," she groans at Clarke's voice. Why is she  _always_ there? "You gotta not stress. The plan'll go fine. I shouldn't have asked Nyko to clear you.." 

"I would have left, anyways," she huffs. "You couldn't have stopped me." 

"Wanna  _bet_?" Clarke grins, but pats Lexa's arm gently. "C'mon, nerd. We're here," the pair stops directly in front of the Mountain, staring deep into its dumb fucking face. "Morasya is in, right?"

"Mor-what-ya?" 

"Monty, Jasper, Raven, and Maya. They're in, right?" Clarke questions again. "Sorry. I didn't wanna say all of their names."

Lexa rolls her eyes, but tosses Clarke her radio. "Cool your nerves, drama queen. Check up on them." The blonde catches the radio with one hand, keeping low to the ground. 

"Ray, this is Clarke. You guys good?"

 _"Yes, we're fine Clarke. It's not like - MOTHERFUCKER,"_ the line drops for a second, and then they both can hear shooting.  _"Shit! We need backup,_ _right fucking now! They're all here! They're all he-"_ then, there's nothing. Clarke stares at Lexa, her eyes wide and her jaw dropped.  _"CLARKE!!"_

"We need to go, now!" Clarke sprints towards the metal door that leads into the Mountain. "Fuck! It's not--!"

Lincoln, Anya, and Octavia appear in front of their eyes, metal door opening. "We heard. C'mon," Octavia frowns. "We don't have much time. Let's go." Lexa starts to wheel forwards, and Lincoln holds up a hand. 

"No. You're staying here, or going back home. No way, Lex. Not letting you die," Lexa scowls daggers at the man. She grips the handles of her chair, and slowly pulls herself up. "Lex,  _don't_. Don't hurt yourself, just because you want to do this. Your safety is more important than an extra gun. Anya, Octavia,  _go_. You, too, Clarke. I'll follow soon," he crosses his arms, staring directly at Lexa as she pulls herself up and off of the chair. She staggers a bit, and then grabs at the handles again to steady herself. "Lex, come on. Just...sit down, alright?"

She glares up at him, and straightens herself up as best as she can. Then she takes a step forwards. Then another. 

And another. 

"Can I go, now, Lincoln?" Her older brother just sighs, and moves out of the way. 

"If Clarke kills me for this.." Lexa smirks at him, twirling her sword in her hand. "Careful. Now, you need to either sit back down in the wheelchair, or keep it slow. Do  _not_ push yourself, do you understand me?" She shrugs, and stalks ahead of him. "Lexa!" Lincoln drops his voice, trying to not  _yell at this idiot goddammit what is she doing_. "Lex!" 

The woman is gone before he can blink. Fuck. Lexa ducks behind the corner, pulls her gun out of its holster, and peers around the room. She remembers this place pretty well, considering how  _long_ she was here. "Lexa here. Give me an update," she's glad she remembered to grab the radio. Lexa glances behind her, and continues to move. "Need that update."

 _"Lots of the-"_ Raven's voice crackles in.  _"Guards. We need everyone! Bell, Murphy, Echo--"_

 _"No go for us,"_ Bell hisses over the radio.  _"We're with the prisoners right now. Murph apparently can fucking pick locks. We're on lookout. Raven, some of them are coming to you now. They're weak, but.."_

 _"Got it,"_ Raven shouts.  _"Just..hurry! I can't fucking hold them off for much longer! Monty and Jasper and busy with half of them, and Maya's trying her da--"_

There's a sudden static, before a new voice bursts in.  _"Yo, Ray, on my way."_

 _"Emori!?"_   Lexa pockets the radio, and starts her journey again. She stalks down the stairs to the generator, and can hear the gunfire.  _"Lex, I see you! One to your right, three to your left. Be safe."_

 _"Always am."_  Lexa mutters, before fully ducking down into the room. She throws her sword at the first guard she sees, watches him fall. Then she shoots at the next three, and  _fuckshitno._

Cage Wallace. Standing right there, grin bigger than the fucking moon. "Well well well, I figured you'd come back to save someone. You're too late, Lexa. And now...we have you back," she stares at the man, too shocked to do anything. "But this time...you aren't as important. Guards. Take care of her." Lexa shoots, almost blindly. She can see Raven, and there's eye contact. The mechanic screams, and everything goes in slow-motion. She fires again, aiming for Cage's dumb fucking face. She ducks out of the way of a guard who tries to tackle her, and then. 

 _Bang_. 

Smoke fills the room, Cage's head whips around, and then his jaw drops. A piece of stone, or dirt, hits Lexa's side. She looks up, sees the crumbling roof. "Lexa!" Raven's voice snaps her out of her trance. "Run! We have to go,  _now_!" She shouts, and Lexa glances around. Where's Clarke. "Everyone else is safe, I  _promise!_ Now, we gotta go,  _now_!" Raven shouts again, but this time, Lexa follows. She sprints through the crumbling mountain, races towards the exit with Raven. "We had someone else - Gina. Fuck, fuck, she's dead. She got killed, she's dead. But - she..she blew up the Mountain. She saved us..she's gone." Her voice creaks. Gina. Lexa knows that name. Gina and Raven dated for a year. Then they broke up, due to long distance. 

"Are you sure everyone else is..?" Raven nods. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't," the woman doesn't even look at her. "It just makes it harder." 

* * *

The next few hours are a blur. 

Warm arms around her waist, blonde hair buried into her shoulders. Fuzzy red and blue lights, loud sirens. A flash of curly hair, a flash of brown hair and blue eyes. A beard, a woman in white. 

Building is collapsed around them - she knows that. She remembers everything, but the after is the hard part.

Apparently they find Cage's body two hours later. Those who weren't killed are taken in for questioning, if they don't need medical assistance. Gina Martin's body is found two hours later.

Lexa isn't sure when she ended up back at the hospital, but apparently it happened. 

Her friends are there. But one is missing. One is..gone. She isn't sure why. She didn't hear about her death. But when Jasper and Monty stumble in, with no Maya...Lexa feels sick. 

* * *

_"A structure was blown up today. The body counts are in the hundreds, if not thousands. Mount. Weather, better known as "The Mountain" among locals, has been destroyed._

_Cage Wallace, Gina Martin, and Maya Vie have all been found. The rest are either too burnt to identify, or there's not much left._

_We'll be bringing more updates as we get more information."_


End file.
